HOLDING ON WITHOUT HOLDING EVERYTHING: What to Keep After a Loss

When we lose someone dear to us, it’s only natural to want to hold on—sometimes by holding on to their things. In the early days of grief, surrounding ourselves with their belongings can offer comfort. But over time, these items can shift from comforting reminders to emotional clutter—leaving us stuck, unsure of what to keep or release.

So how do we decide what stays and what goes?

You don’t need to keep everything—and you don’t need to let go of it all either. Like everything, the answer lies somewhere in the middle. Holding on to a few meaningful, memory-rich items can be far more powerful than holding onto boxes full of objects you’ll never use or see.

Here are a few helpful questions to guide you:

• What makes you smile? Choose items that bring a genuine sense of joy—like the bobblehead on the kitchen windowsill or your loved one’s record player. Maybe it was the sugar bowl that sat out for afternoon tea.
• What reflects shared experiences? Did you bake together? A favourite mixing bowl or handwritten recipe card may say more than a dozen unopened cookbooks. Maybe you went fishing together often and the fishing pole and tackle box would be meaningful items to have.
• What would you display or use? Keep only what fits beautifully into your life now. If it’s destined for a box in the basement, reconsider.

It may help to set a limit. Count the items you've kept—it can be eye-opening. Ask yourself: Would I remember them better with 50 things, or just 10 I truly cherish?

And don’t overlook practicality.
What useful items could serve you now? Perhaps your guest room needs a lamp, or your loved one’s slow cooker is newer than yours. Even something like a better snow blower can carry meaning when it fills a real need. Practical doesn’t mean impersonal—it can be one of the most respectful ways to carry their legacy forward.

Lastly, remember: Objects don't hold memories—people do. You carry their stories in your heart, not your storage closet. Keep only what you’ll LOVE, DISPLAY or USE.

 Let the rest go, guilt-free.